Bones
by downinalbion
Summary: I knew starving was paintful, but who the hell else was I going to hurt? Behind my bump, you could see my bones. And my baby, thinner than ever. Hi there, I'm Victoire Weasley, and I guess I'm an anorexic.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! Quick disclaimers here: **

**This is JK's playground, I'm just mucking around in the sandpit.**

**This story focusing A LOT on anorexia. PLEASE don't read this if it could ever trigger you. It is not meant to glorify, we are in her head, she is crazy. Remember this.**

**And if you have an issue similar to Victoire's, never hesitate to PM me or whatever. **

**Okay, enjoy. :D**

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

_It was ONE time. Okay, twice, fine THREE TIMES. _

_But he's soo hot!_

I'm slipping again, I can feel it. It's drawing me in like it used to. I can't say no this time, I want it too badly. I want it _so_ much. It's like a great heaving vortex of pain, fingers reaching out to grasp me around the throat. Disease pushing its roots into my brain and blackening my thoughts.

I'm not fat, not really. My thighs splay out when I sit down, spreading like two bags of water across the chair. I have rolls when I bend over, sacks of fat cling to my hips. But I'm not huge, not like some people. I'm pudgy, curvy, pear shaped. I'm soft, womanly and rounded. I know what I am, and I know what everyone else sees. They don't think I'm fat either.

That doesn't mean I don't wish I was thinner. I dream of it, I grab handfuls of myself and claw at them. I hate this body I'm trapped in. I hate the person I am, I hate how fat I will get if I don't do this. Thinner means better. _You can never be too rich or too thin. _Thinner will make me better, make me stronger. I will come out of this skin a new person, if I could only get thin.

Yes, I'm here again. I've risen back up to the height of anorexia. I don't deny having it, in fact I don't feel worthy of it yet. I'm not worthy of being an ana. I wish I were anorexic, I wish I was there. The last times I stumbled after a few weeks, I never reached my goals. I heard the praise _'Oh, Victoire you're so thin!'_ and let myself break anyway. I'm damned if I will this time.

The beauty of it is, no one shall ever know. I am in control this time, everything is under my watchful eye. I won't spill my secrets and shatter my hopes, I will be everything I can. Only I can fail myself and I won't do it this time. I'll prevail. I'll win. I'm going to lose 10 pounds in a flash and stop it there. This will be easy.

It's like a game, I roll my dice and I get _thin_ every time. Not everyone can do it, no it's a game too hard for the weak, for the careless and the stupid. It's a skill, a skill that the flawless, the beautiful have perfected. I'll perfect it too.

I'm not a slave to food, and I'm not a slave to my tastebuds. They won't chain me, they won't bring me down. I rip out pages from Witch Weekly, Cait Muss is slapped on the front page, pink letters plastered across her lean, long body.

"_Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels_,"

She's so perfect, so beautiful. I tear out her photo and crop out the criticism that lies in the text. More and more thinspiration piles up and I wave my wand-filing it into my notebook neatly. Glossy pages, ordered and cut crisply. Thighs that don't touch in the middle and ribs that stick out line my page, line my brain. Tomorrow is a new day, todays mistakes are gone, I've got a plan and I'm sticking to it.

_I won't eat. I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat._ _I won't eat. _

I scrawl it down over and over, my quill scratching. The others are heavy sleepers, thank God. I sat on my bed, and the dorm is silent. I share with Lauren, Kitty and Emma, and none are up this late. I check my watch, 2.22am. I'm going to sleep, I can't deal with being hungry _and_ tired tomorrow.

I awake, blearily in the morning. I roll over and see everyone has already gone for breakfast. Dressing slowly, I grin, sleeping in late is a great excuse for missing a meal. I also love morning, I always feel better in the morning. I'm determined today, to not eat and to act normal.

I meet the others in Potions which we have first thing. I have no idea why they all took it as a NEWT because even if I love it, Lauren causes explosions, Kitty is scared of being poisoned and Emma really does _not_ care.

I slip into my seat next to Kitty and receive a warning look from Professor Worting for my lateness.

"Settle down, settle down. Right, this morning we'll be brewing a Hiccoughing solution, does anyone know what that is used for?"

I squirm, fighting between knowing the answer and not wanting to look geeky. A Ravenclaw, Joe Burns, sticks his hand up and states,

"The Hiccoughing solution induces hiccups to the drinker. It has a simple effect but is complicated to brew," I stop myself from mouthing the words along with him.

"Good, 5 points to Ravenclaw. It is on page 67 of your textbooks. Be careful to shred the Belladonna _thinly_,"

The noise level quickly rises and Lo goes to grab our ingredients.

"Where were you at breakfast, Vic?" asks Kitty, flicking through her textbook casually,

"None of my _friends_ woke me up so I missed it!" I say bitterly before quickly adding, "Not that I'm hungry anyway, really, I feel a bit sick."

"Aw, you want to go to Madam McCartney?" asks Emma, kind for once.

"Like I'd miss lessons!" I blurt, they explode into giggles. "Did I get any letters?"

"This is from your mum," says Lauren, handing over a thick, creamy envelope.

"Thanks, babe," I say as I carefully chop my Wormwood root into exactly inch-sized pieces. Lauren has began to mash hers,

"Uh, Lo..?" says Kitty, her face spread with worry,

My lovely friend giggles, she got the wanting-to-explode-things streak and never fails to create something dangerous in Potions, worse than my cousin Fred who's only a second year but has already made himself a name.

These three girls are my Gryffindor dorm mates and my best friends. There's Kitty Cassidy, unbelievably shy and sweet. The kindest girl you could ever meet, but if you mess with people she loves she'll rip you to shreds. I've seen this happen once. It was scary. This 'witty' Ravenclaw, Jane Cole said Emma was fat. Kitty was fuming, it was terrifying. Jane hasn't been the same since. That was a lot of anger for one small person. Kit's really small, short and skinny as anything, like a little fairy. She makes me unbelievably jealous. Damn her. She's also pale with wispy thin brown hair and these pale green eyes that have specks of every colour in them.

Then there's Emma Dennis, a born cynic with a hard heart and a thick skin. She melts around us though, and is always voicing her opinions as loud as can be. She hates school with a passion and never shuts up about Quidditch, it's her dream to play in the Holyhead Harpies. She exploded when she met my Aunt Ginny, who used to be on the team and now manages it. Em's not a thin girl, she's a beater and is muscly. She's NOT fat, and she's a hell of a lot more toned than I am. She has thick dark blonde hair and big brown eyes and is really rather pretty.

Lauren Thomas is a firecracker and the baby of the group, she's the opposite of her quiet little twin brother Nick, who's grown up having tricks played on him and is, by consequence, scared of everything. It's adorable, I swear I have to set him up with Kitty. Our Lo cares more about school that Emma but less than Kitty and me, she's always in detention and usually drags the others down with her. She's got this amazing tanned skin that's always so _smooth_ and shiny black hair. Her eyes are this liquid golden brown colour and she never gets freckles. And I swear her body is perfect.

I got the bad genes, I somehow avoided both the Veela and the Weasley from my parents, I'm not ginger but hell, I'm not breathtaking. My hair is a kind of silver blonde but frizzy as anything, my eyes are boring blue, there's a smattering of freckles over my round nose and I'm wobbly all over. I love school, books are best so I stick to that. I love school, yes I sound geeky but it's true. I have control here, I got E's and O's in my OWLS, it was my proudest moment yet. If only my body was as good as my schoolwork.

Lo has thrown her pulverized Wormwood root in her cauldron already and is adding black beetle juice like there's no tomorrow. It's bubbling furiously.

"Did you even read the textbook, Lo?" I ask tentatively, Emma is wetting herself laughing, Kitty is edging away.

"Course," she replies, but I don't believe her, her potion looks ready to blow. I dive in, shaking crushed Thistle buds into it and stirring it wildly anti-clockwise. It's gone a reddy brown colour and smells dreadful but it's stopped making those weird threatening bubbles.

"One day you'll kill us, I swear," I say and she sighs at my nerdiness and vanishes her potion. I see Kitty become visibly less scared and turn to my own potion, I throw in my own Belladonna and it's a pleasant pink, bubbling in a friendly way. Emma chuckles at Lauren's attempts to restart her potion and looks at her own apathetically. It's emitting gallons of black smoke.

"I hate potions," she cries,

"Then why did you take it?" asks Lauren,

"I could ask you the same thing," she says bitterly, "And you know it's because I only passed four subjects,"

I slip some sliced scorpion stings into Emma's potion and it lightens considerably to a purpley colour.

"Look, Em." cries Kitty, "You ARE good at potions," God I love that girl. Emma looks positively ecstatic.

Professor Worting stalks past our table and eyes Lauren's suspiciously, she's never trusted her. She smiles fondly at my potion and is aghast at Em's.

"Miss Bell, that's coming along nicely," she says, hiding the shock in her voice. Emma beams.

I taste mine carefully and to my delight emit a loud hiccup. It would be embarrassing if everyone else wasn't doing the same. Kitty is scarlet and holding her breath fiercely, she shakes silently every now and again, like a weird dance. Emma is giggling at her, neither her or Lo had the balls to try their potions. They still look kind of poisonous. I always find potions fun, and today took my mind off the growling in my stomach.

I don't even remember that I'm hungry until after Charms when we traipse off for lunch. I've barely seen Tom at all today, and he's saved me a seat at the Griffindor table. I'm dreading this and wonder how on earth I'll get out of eating. Thomas Kay is my best boy friend in the whole wide world, I love him better than, the sea! And I LOVE the sea.

We met on the first train ride, when Teddy dragged me to his cool friends, Tom was super sweet and I've gradually grown to like him more than Teddy over the years. He's got blonde hair and is the beater, brawny and tall. He's kind of ditzy and dumb and his blue eyes go all vacant when he thinks too hard.

"Rosie!' he cries, grinning.

I squeeze in between him and Teddy. I tense my legs, hoping the fat doesn't fly out, not that it matters, Teddy has seen it all before.

Don't think me a slut, it was ONE time. Okay twice. FINE, IT WAS THREE TIMES. But he's so hot! And Teddy is such a nice guy, sleeping with him isn't the worst thing I've ever done. I don't regret it. He's been going to the Weasley's for some of the summer for years, we spent a lot of time together as children but grew apart.

Tom was staying with him at the Burrow so we chilled a lot, the three of us. Tom in between the kind of non-friendship between me and Ted. Honestly, up to his first year we were best friends but with him at school and me not we didn't see each other a lot. Then when I came he already had best friends, Tom and I managed to hang out more than Teddy and I did which was weird. I guess he kind of ditched me.

Anyway, I was home alone one day. Dom and Louis were at the Potter's and mum and dad were visiting Nana and Grandad. I invited Tom and Teddy over but Tom has these horrible migraines and he was lying in a dark room with a bottle of pain relief potion. Teddy came over anyway. Teddy brought firewhiskey.

_I take a swig of my Firewhiskey and soda,_

"_Teddiekins, this tastes like fire!" I yell, _

"_Teddiekins?" he asks, staring at me with those dark blue eyes,_

"_Teddy Weddy!" I laugh and he looks at me intently,_

"_Vicky Wicky..." he chuckles deeply, his voice is so manly and low and lovely, his hair so thick and black, he's so thin but strong, his cheekbones are so boney. He stares at me, like he's seeing me for the first time. _

_We're in my room, sitting on my sofa, snuggled together, chatting pointless words and drinking. And then he looks at me and I unconsciously lean in. He kisses me. My childhood friend Teddy Lupin is in my room and he's kissing me. I've kissed boys before but Teddy, he can really kiss. If it were a sport he'd be an Olympic medalist. If it were a subject he'd have an O. I get out of my head, my drunken thoughts distracting me from said kiss. _

_He's whispering in my ear, he tells me I'm beautiful, so beautiful. _

"_You're pretty beautiful yourself," I say as he kisses my neck. He leads me to my bed and lays me under him. He looks at my questioningly and I respond by peeling his robe jacket off him. More clothes are ripped off, he mumbles the contraception charm and before I know it, I've slept with him. _

_Afterwards we curl up in my bed, our drunken stupor wearing off. He turns to me and says quietly, _

"_I think we should make that a regular occurrence," _

_And who I am to disagree? It wasn't awful, and he thinks I'm beautiful. He's not using me, he doesn't want anything but me. I don't want a relationship._

"_As friends." I add, he nods knowingly. I know he's thinking of how Tom would react. He kisses me again and gets up to pull his clothes on._

_I smile a little, Victoire Weasley isn't a little girl any more. _

We snatch moments like this twice more, Tom's migraines coinciding with them perfectly, before we have to return to school. You'd think, living at a school, that we could do it there too but we couldn't. Where would we? In the dorms with all our friends sleeping next to us, or in a classroom with Peeves swooping over our heads?

Thank God he's not an awkward boy, it's like it never happened. Tom is blissfully unaware, as is everyone else in the entire world. Maybe I'll see him over Christmas, I'll be so much thinner then as well. That'll be nice.

"Hey Ted, Tommy," I greet, and lunch appears on the platters in front of us,

God, it smells good. There's the hot foods like rich stew, pies and pastries. There's sandwiches, crusty bread filled with cheese and ham, spread lavishly with butter and, is that_ bacon_? My stomach screams at me but I load up on salad and a tiny piece of bread. Tom gawps at me,

"Is that all you're getting?" he asks, "The same Victoire Weasley that once ate seven chocolate frogs without stopping and even eats the cabbage flavoured Bertie beans?" I cringe a little, I've been greedy before.

"Ugh, I know. I feel sick." I moan, pushing away my plate in a kind of anger. He eyes me with a worried face, "I think I'll just go to the library,"

He looks less surprised and with that. I excuse myself and skip off, feeling lighter than air without food weighing me down.


	2. Chapter 2

Natalisma Nagoria

_What the hell kind of disease is this?_

Dinner was harder, when people have seen you skip one meal you _have_ to eat the next. I slip in next to Kitty and she's grazing delicately on a baked potato, Em is stuffing her face with protein rich steak, there's a big Hufflepuff-Gryffindor Quidditch match next week and she's 'stocking up' as she calls it. I tentatively add some lettuce and carrots to my plate.

Em looks at me, stunned.

"WHAT do you think you're doing?"

"Oh, er yeah, I've decided to go on a diet," I blurt, adding a piece of grilled chicken to my plate. That's not more than 500 calories, right?

"But, Vic, you're not fat enough to diet," blurts Lauren across the table.

"I'm trying to be _healthy_! Not thin!" I say, lies tripping off my tongue. Emma nods, contented, she's all for health. Lauren shakes her head in disbelief, everyone remembers the chocolate frog story.

I cut my chicken into the tiniest piece, after shoving salad in my mouth like I'm ravenous, I take gulps of water with each bite. The chicken is tender and I eat the whole thing. Oh God, I've eaten so much. I'll so _full_.

I need to get rid of this.

"Coming to the library, Vic?" asks Kitty, as she pushes her plate away.

"Umm, I'll meet you there. I have to see..uh Flitwick," I say,

She frowns at me and I dash off, tripping over my own feet as I go. I hear Emma snort but I keep going. I pray Teddy's eyes aren't on me but I bet they are. My feet carry me to the second floor girls bathroom. Of course it's deserted, Moaning Myrtle can do that to a place. Thank God she's not here now.

I lock myself into a cubicle, and bite down hard on two of my fingers. Can I do this? Can I go further? My fingers are dry, I can taste my own sour skin. You are disgusting, I tell myself, you have to do this, it's your own fault.

It happens, I make myself sick again and again until there's nothing in me but water. My eyes are bulging and red, when I let myself out of the cubicle, eyes streaming with tears, Myrtle is sitting, arms crossed on a sink.

"Ill, are we?" she squeals,

"I have a stomach big," I mumble,

She giggles and flies through me, I shiver violently and proceed to wash my hands.

"You look terrible," she squawks,

"I'm ill, of course I do," I say, angrily,

She zooms off, probably to snog Peeves or something, I scrub myself clean and stare in the grimy, broken mirror. My eyes are rimmed red and puffy, I wash my face clean and look back at the girl in the mirror. I convulse slightly, how I hate the weak girl that stands there.

I do this for the next few days, and it's Saturday-the Quidditch game and everyone is buzzing with excitement for the Quidditch match, Emma and Tom are discussing tactics over breakfast and Teddy is shaking. He's keeper, Lauren is a chaser, my little skinny cousin James is seeker, already. Uncle Harry' and Aunt Ginny have been teaching him and Albus Quidditch their whole lives, they were overly thrilled when James got to be a seeker in only second year. A seventh year Amy Green and a fifth year Danny Ritcher are the other chasers.

Tom's captain, I reckon he's got it under control but he's stressing crazily. Me and Kitty aren't good at things like Quidditch, we're not really sweating at it. I roll my eyes at her as Teddy downs a protein shake. It's only Hufflepuff, how hard can it be to beat them?

"Okay boys, let's go," says Tom, Emma glares at him.

The team troop off, I wink at Tom for luck, he ignores me. He's in 'the zone'. Love that kid.

Out on the ground, the stands are swimming with red and gold, then the yellow of the Hufflepuffs. It's pretty tense as the teams file out. I sit beside Kitty in the Gryffindor crowd and spot a few assorted relatives drifting around.

There's my little sister Dominique who's in fourth year, you can't miss her flaming ginger hair, she's giggling with Roxy, another cousin, not so ginger this time. She looks more like her mum, tanned with dark brown braids. My little brother Louis and cousin Fred are shunted together, looking out in wonder for James, they're in the same year and are like the three musketeers, Louis blond, Fred dark and James with red hair as bright as the sun. They're so sweet together, honestly. There's more cousins to come, Molly, Albus and Rose and coming up next year, then Hugo, Lily and Lucy, who are honestly just little babies at the moment.

Ah the joys of my big family, you'd think I'd have at least one cousin my age but no, I'm the older one. I've always babied the little ones, or been thrown with Teddy, who's older than me and _always_ would tease me senseless. I'd rather mind Lily than hang out with him. I've always loved little kids, I've had plenty of practice and they kind of gravitate towards me, I honestly can't wait to have kids, when I'm older with that perfect husband and successful healer career.

I plan my life waay too much.

Back to the game, Emma's beaten a few bludgers, James is missing and Teddy's saved a goal, still 0-0. Lorcan Scamander is commentating, he's quite boring about it, apparently his mum was funnier, that's what Uncle Ron said anyway.

"And Higgs passes to Jameson, Jameson with the Quaffle, he shoots, Lupin dives but Hufflepuff score! Ten nil to Hufflepuff!"

A resounding cheer from the yellow clad stadium opposite us. Fred groans angrily. I guess Teddy isn't a very good keeper, Tom's tiny figure looks distinctly agitated. I let my eyes glaze over and my stomach rumbles loudly, I hate having no control over it,

"Hungry, Vic?" ask Kitty,

"It's always making weird noises!" I say, cheerily, I hear Dom snort loudly. Bitch.

A few goals later and I'm pretty sure Gryffindor will never win, I hope to hell that James catches the snitch soon, but he's just hanging on his broom formlessly. Emma and Tom look ready to throw their clubs at each other.

"Lupin misses another goal, Hufflepuff storm in the lead, the score stands at 80-30,"

Teddy looks so worried, Tom gave him the position because they were friends. Uncle Harry and Ron gave him some pep talk about Ron's position as keeper, but I guess Teddy _isn't_ actually a good player.

"Oh, what is he doing?" I murmur, "We can't lose to _Hufflepuff!_"

"Unfortunately, they have a _decent _keeper," adds Louis, scowling,

"James might catch the Snitch though, we'd win then," says Kitty, hopefully. I frown at her,

"Doubt that!" I say, "Their seeker is Mark Collingham and he's huge!"

"It's not about size though, is it?" she replies,

I look out, Lauren has the Quaffle and is desperately trying to score again, she shoots and succeeds. We all scream ourselves hoarse and I'm kind of deafened by my dumbass cousins.

"Thank God," I say, Fred is doing a happy dance.

"That's my girl!" he cries,

"Fred, you've never met Lo," I say pointedly, he goes red and plonks himself back down.

"What's James doing?" asks Roxy, pointing. James is twirling in the air, Mark hot on his tail. A few gasps ripple through the crowd as little James dances in the air, taunting clumsy Mark.

"Has he seen the snitch?" I say, breathlessly,

"He's just being an idiot," says Dom haughtily,

James flies high into the air, Mark zooms after him, and then takes a sharp bend, flying the length of the pitch, arm upraised, leaving Mark miles above. He is already on the ground, snitch in hand, when I realise what happened.

"Did we, WIN?" I exclaim, jumping to my feet, Fred is doing his infamous victory dance. I grab Kitty and scream,

"Kit, WE WON!"

"I know," she says calmly, "Lunch?"

"Later, we have to go see the others!" I say quickly, and I drag her down to the changing rooms, an ensemble of cousins following.

Louis and Fred jump on James and noogie him cheerfully,

"Phat moves!" says Roxy,

"You dug those funky beatz," adds Dom,

"BALLET BOY" they cry in unison, I don't quite get it, but it sounds rehearsed. Cute.

I grab Tom into a bear hug, he's pretty sweaty. He throws himself on to the bench that lines the changing room wall, I sit primly next to him, it's not very

"WE WON THOMAS!"

He grins at me, but his face falls when he sees Teddy limp in from the showers. His hair has faded to the dullest of browns and is hanging in wet locks. He's tired, looks bedraggled, angry and quietly sad.

"All right Ted?" I ask quietly, but he barely notices me, stalking up to Tom defiantly, and looking down on him,

"I quit," he says loudly and skulks back to the showers. Everyone stares, Lauren's mouth is round with shock and Emma has to actually sit down. Even James is worried, half the changing room look over at Tom expectantly,

"Crap," says Tom. "Guess we need a new keeper,"

"Lunch." says Emma strongly, she grabs Tom's arm and guides him to the door,

The others shrug and follow, I can't go with them. I have to find a way to avoid this.

I stand. I stand but the world has gone and I'm blind, there's a blackness dotted with blinding colours behind my open eyelids and nothing seems real. I stagger forward but I'm swaying, I grasp out for something, someone to tie me to this earth, but I'm floating away.

When did I last eat? Last night, but not properly. It didn't stay in me. I'm hungry, my stomach is screaming at me and realness is swimming beneath the veil of my hunger.

Nausea and faintness run in my brain, there's nothing to hold on to and I'm falling, falling like I'll never stop. But then I do, with a resounding crash and blackness, pure blackness envelops me. A warmth spreads through my head, I'm safe here, on this cold, unforgiving ground.

Then whiteness fills my vision and I'm gone.

When I open my eyes I'm in the hospital wing and Madam McCartney is nowhere to be seen. I haven't got any visitors, I'm all alone in this large, light filled room. I look myself up and down, little has changed, same old chubby thighs, same old Victoire. I wonder how I got here, embarrassing as it is to be found and to be fallen. I wonder when they noticed I wasn't with them, thought _'Where's Vic?' _and found me this way.

I despise myself for getting so far and being found out, do they know? It's been so little time, not even a week. How can I be so weak this time? I've made it months before and I wasn't going to give up this time. You fool, I tell myself, you mess.

I'm still silently raging when Madam McCartney glides towards me, she sits beside my bed. I look at her kind, young face and I want to blurt my heart to her. I stiffen myself, grab the reins of control and look up at her, she is the en

"When can I go back to school?" I ask, plaintively.

"After a night, you must be feeling pretty weak. I've got you on no visitors,"

I shrug,

"Had you eaten that day?" her eyes pierce into me, "Do you feel you are eating enough?"

"I eat." I say, "I was too excited for the match, I couldn't stomach breakfast,"

"Right, okay." she pauses for a second. "Victoire, I had to run a few tests on you, to determine the possible cause of your faintness, including the Natalisma Nagoria charm..."

I run the word through my head wildly, _Natalisma Nagoria? Natalisma Nagoria, where have I heard that before?_

"And the results were positive."

What kind of disease is this? I'm freaking out, I've seen those words before!

"Victoire, you're pregnant."

Oh.

"I'm, I'm pregnant?"

She nods slowly.

"Eight weeks pregnant. I assume this was a, er, surprise, I'll bring you some leaflets on your..options."

She shimmers off and I'm left to mull this over.

I'm pregnant. I have a baby inside me. I have life inside me.

And, and I love it. I love this baby in a heartbeat, a heartbeat that we both share and revel in. I'm scared, I'm petrified but I'm estatic. I'm confused and I'm young and I'm poor and uneducated. I'm not ready, not at all, but I want it. I feel something flutter inside me and I know that the baby wants me too. There's a something, deep down, wrapped in cells, a something that loves me, depends on me. Something that is mine.

Mine and Teddy's. This baby is Teddy's too. He is the father, the only person I've ever slept with. I can't tell him, no I shan't, I can't. Fear erupts in my chest, how can I tell Teddy? Or mum or dad or Dominique or Louis. Or Kitty, Lauren, Emma or Tom.

No, no I can't tell them. What if they want me to get it 'taken care' of? No, I can't, I won't. I'm sweating, my smiling has vanished and I dread telling them. And I'll have to.

Madam McCartney appears once more, leaflets in hand.

"I don't need those." I say pointedly "I'm keeping it,"

She nods, looking pleased, and vanishes them with a flick of her wand.

"Then I'd like you to make a scan appointment, how's a week on Thursday?"

"Fine," I reply.

"And you'll need to take prenatal vitamins, and keep eating healthily."

I nod.

Eating healthily. Surely it's better for the baby if I'm not obese and fat. I can't eat. If I eat I'll get fat and the baby won't be healthy. If I don't eat, the baby won't grow enough. I can't hurt it, but I can't gorge myself. I can't make myself throw up any more, but I can't give up everything I've been working for.

You're allowed supper, I tell myself, and nothing more. 700 calories a day, all for the baby. Madam McCartney has left me with a vitamin potion, a luminous orange mixture that smells strongly of coconut. I down it, it tastes coconutty too. I hope it's not calorific.

This is it then, I think, you're pregnant. I place a hand over my stomach. I love you, baby.


	3. Chapter 3

Godmothers

"_Life could be worse," I tell her, "You could be pregnant,"_

I wake up with the world swimming before my eyes. It's six and Madam McCarney lets me out with a package of potions and stern advice to eat well and keep healthy. I'm allowed to exercise though, jogging is good for my baby. It's an icy day but I creep into my dorm, with the girls still sleeping, throw on some trackies anyway. I expect to feel sick, I mean, it's the morning isnt it? Why don't I feel sick, where is my morning sickness?

Missing in action, I suppose, ah well, I'm not complaining, I haven't eaten yet. Maybe it'll come later. It's raining when I get outside but I man up and head to the lake. The heavy sky is drizzling sadly and my hair falls to rat's tails. I'm gasping for breath when I've run round the lake but I plough through, ignoring the knives stabbing my stomach.

_Just keep running, just keep running, just keep running._

Darts of freezing water fight me and I struggle against the wind, my side cramps ferociously as I gasp for breath. Damn, I'm unfit. Why would I ever think _jogging _was a good idea? But I'm burning calories.

I run for an excruciating forty minutes before nipping back to the dorm for a shower, I inspect my body in the downpour, you can still see my ribs, thank God. I'm a little jiggly, I need to do more work, but baby will be okay. I'm not hurting it. I'm going to get fat though, I'm going to become huge, big and whale-y. But I don't care, okay I do, but I can get it back. I can do this all again when I have my baby in my arms. Then I can be thin, then life will be perfect.

I curl up on the floor of the shower, I still have to tell Teddy. Tell the girls. Tell my bloody family. I feel weight piling on my chest and the hot water pounds me into the floor. I love that feeling, it's like I'm in a waterfall. I wonder if I can nap here. Just for nine months.

When I get myself up to leaving, the cold air attacks me horribly. I wrap myself up and lie on my bed in my fluffy towel, still dripping and cold. Lauren's alarm sounds and they all begin to grumble and twist into consciousness, Kitty is sitting up like a hare, bright eyed and bewildered.

"ArghnogNO," says Lauren sleepily, hitting her bedside table pathetically. Emma is still sound asleep. Kit looks over at me,

"Up already?" she asks blearily, then she remembers, squealing "VICTOIRE! How ARE you?"

Lauren shoots up and cries,

"Go AWAY mum!"

I snort and Kitty giggles. Emma is still oblivious.

"I'm _fine_, Kitty. She totally overreacted, I didn't even need to be there,"

"Thank God," Kit replies, Lauren is staring into space, confused. She's not a morning person.

"Can you get Emma?" I ask, pulling my towel around me and waving my hand in Lauren's face. Kitty is shaking Emma, who is fighting back. It happens most mornings. Lauren is unfurling from her sleep like a flower, she blinks and looks into my face with recognition.

"VIC! Are you okay?" she screams,

"I am FINE, thanks for visiting though," I say, winking.

"SHE WOULDN'T LET US VISIT YOU!" she cries angrily, before she realises I'm joking.

"YOU'RE BACK!" shouts Emma, having just woken, "How do you feel!"

"She is _fine," _reply Lauren and Kitty loudly over the top of my weak answer.

I sigh at them and turn to the pile of clothes in the corner. I pull on some creased robes in next to no time and begin to smear on my foundation, Lauren is charming her flawless skin with subtle flicks of her wand but I was never good at WonderWitch spells. I brush my stubby eyelashes with gloopy mascara which breaks off in flecks around my face, I turn to Lauren in despair and she siphons them off for me. What a babe.

I glance at Kitty, mascara wand in hand, she shakes her head slowly. She will never be tempted to wear make up. So naturally beautiful. Sigh. Lauren and I continue primping, crammed on the floor of the dorm next to the full length mirror while Kitty and Emma hog the bathroom. There's a natural silence for a few seconds. Until Lauren blurts nervously,

"I think I'm going to sleep with Harry,"

"Potter?" asks Emma, laughing to herself.

I cringe, mortified. Harry Topps is actually her boyfriend, NOT my uncle. They've been going out a month or so. He's an all rounder, blonde hair, blue eyes, Gryffindor, clever, but it won't last. Lauren goes through boys like I go through novels. She's never done more than kiss them though,

"But seriously, why? When? Where?" calls Emma, through a mouth of toothpaste.

"I think I love him. And I'm 17 now and I just, I just, I feel like I'm ready. You know?"

"Not really," says Kitty from where she's moved to reading on her bed, she's never had a boyfriend, the cutie. I MUST set her up with Nick!

"Me either," says Em, coming over from the bathroom and squatting next to us on the floor. I remain dubiously quiet. Em has had boyfriends but, no one serious. I guess I'm the only one who's had sex. Now would be a great time to tell them I'm pregnant.

"You don't want to have sex in a broom closet though, the idea of sex at school creeps me out." Emma admits, "It's just weird, with all the teachers milling about,"

"True, I know everyone's doing it though," says Lauren,

"Like who? Tara Finnegan and the Ravenclaw sluts?" laughs Emma, "They're lying. Honestly, no one has sex at Hogwarts!"

"Which is why I'm inviting him to mine for Christmas," replies Lauren, beaming.

"If you're sure," says Kitty wisely shutting her book and plonking herself into our mirror circle, "I don't even want a boyfriend."

"I wonder what sex is like..." says Lauren dreamily,

"Me too," adds Emma.

I've been silent for too long, my face is going red, I can feel it. They're all looking at me. Oh God. Nerves hit me over and over and the pressure feels like it's going to break me,

"I SLEPT WITH TEDDY!" I shout, standing up. They all stare at me.

"You did what?"

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"How did you even...?"

"And I'm pregnant," I whisper, sinking down again. I'm met with stares again. No one knows quite what to say.

"Well that's stolen my thunder," says Lauren after a while. "How do you know?"

"Madam McCartney did some tests on me, it's certain,"

"And, what, what are you going to do?" says Kit, quietly shuffling up to me and sticking her arm around me. I lean into her,

"I'm keeping it," I say, I manage a smile, my dear friends grin back.

"Call it Emma,"

"No way, she's calling her Lauren, aren't you?"

"But Kitty's a cool name, right?"

"Shut UP. I don't even know if it's a girl yet! No way am I naming it after you anyway, it would be awkward, since you're going to be Godmothers!" I cry,

"GODMOTHERS?" they squeal and dive on me, into a messy group hug, they squeeze me so tight. I love these girls, I love them so, so much. But I can't breathe,

"This. Is. Not. Good. For. Your. Godchild." I stammer and they realise me quickly.

"How did it happen?" asks Lauren,

"Well, I was born. I lived a few years of innocence. I had sex, and now I'm pregnant,"

"She MEANS how did you bed Teddy?" asks Emma impatiently,

"It's all Tom's fault really, he left me alone with a boy, with a bed and with Firewhiskey. What did he expect to happen?"

"So, you're not...together?" asks Kitty,

"Nope,"

"And he doesn't know?" she says,

"Nah,"

"Oh." she says, "How are you gonna tell him?"

"I have NO clue," I say and I look at their eager eyes for guidance, "I guess, one of you could.."

"NO!" they shout in unison.

"Haven't you heard of the contraceptive charm?" asks Lauren, winking, "Too caught up in the _passion..."_

"IT'S ONLY 97% GUARANTEED!" I shout, "I know it perfectly well, thank you very much!"

"Wait, what is it again?" asks Emma, giving a sly grin,

"It's not hard," Lauren begins, swishing her wand, and imitating Professor Patil's 'sex talk' voice, "_ContTRA_ _ConCEPtio,"_

She falls about in giggles and I laugh uproariously, honestly her Patil face is perfect. She does the squint just right.

"What time is it?" pipes up Kitty,

I check my watch. Shit.

"Guys, we've missed breakfast!" I shout, as if I care.

Kitty looks distraught,

"And it's potions first!" she cries in anguish.

"Life could be worse," I tell her, "You could be pregnant,"

She throws her book at me.


	4. Chapter 4

Telling people, it's always a hoot.

"_This better be important, Vic. I'm talking 'Chico's dead' important,"_

It's lunch before I remember that I still have piles of people to tell. Potions was so fun today, the girls know how to cheer me up. Even if I'm not sad.

I'm just nervous, scared Teddy's going to hate our baby, scared he'll mention the A words. As if I could ever do that. And then there's my parents, oh Jesus. Dad is so protective, I swear he's going to track down and kill Teddy. Little Louis will spend hours working out how he's related to Teddy now, and beg me to marry him. The three musketeers idolise him. Dominique, well she'll just beg me to tell her what sex is like.

Mum, oh God, oh no. My mum is going to freak out, she had her hopes set on me being the genius one. She cried at my OWL results, honestly-it was awkward. She always tells me I'm lucky to have both brains and beauty. I guess both of those are out the window. And family dinners at the Burrow are going to be SO awkward. How can I look Andromeda in the eye knowing her grandson knocked me up? How can I look Uncle Harry in the eye? Teddy's basically his son.

At lunch I sit with the girls, across from Tom and a couple of his friends. Teddy's sat apart, guess they're still fighting about the Quidditch thing,

"Get a new keeper, T?" I ask,

"Yeah, my good buddy, Harry here," he says, punching Lauren's boyfriend macho-ly.

She squeals,

"Well done baby!" and proceeds to kiss him romantically over the table. Her brother Nick, her quiet little twin, looks awkward and Tom mimes throwing up. I love the maturity here.

Wait, Nick and Kitty are in the same room. I must, _must_ get them together! I'll make Lauren help me, or slyly push them together next time we have a Hogsmeade weekend. I'm still in a daydream when Em nudges me,

"Not eating, Vic?"

My plate is suddenly full of food, sly work, Emma, you fiend. I'll have to eat now I suppose and I AM hungry. Really hungry. Actually, I feel super faint. I mustn't though,

"Seriously? I think I'm going to chunder!" I exclaim, eyeing her meaningfully. She nods slowly. "How's things with Teddy now anyway?" I continue, looking at Tom.

He's shoveling meat into his mouth, obviously.

"He'szTWAT," he says through his sandwich.

Oh, I bet he's going to take this pregnancy news wonderfully. He's not protective over me AT ALL.

Note the sarcasm.

"No Tom, you need to TALK TO HIM," cries Lauren loudly,

"Ugh, pipe down Thomas," calls Jane Cole cattily, strolling past the table.

"Jane, we're trying to have a human conversation here, can you just get out?" Kitty retaliates, in a sickly sweet voice. She winks a little and Jane scurries away, dragging some other Ravenclaw chick with her. Jane HATES Kitty, probably because Kitty ripped her to shreds in third year. We refer to it as '_the incident'_. Jane's scared of Kit now, and hates her friends, meaning us.

"I hate those Ravenclaw BITCHES," mutters Lauren, darkly.

"They're notoriously slutty," says Nick in a matter of a fact way. Kitty snorts and smiles at him, aha, my plan is working.

"Tru dat." says Tom, "Wait, Victoire! You're BACK!"

"Wow, Tom. Just wow." I say slowly.

"Are you okay now?" he asks. I sigh.

"YES. Go and be Teddy's friend now. I cannot be ARSED with you two not being friends,"

"I guess if you're going to get mad about it then I'm going to go and make him love me. This should be wonderfully awkward,"

He puts down his food (shock!) and walks over to Teddy. We see them talking, they hug and he sits down and begins having a second lunch over the other end of the table. What is this.

Seriously, being a boy would be so much easier.

"Did you see that?" I ask, shocked.

Kitty sighs and shakes her head in wonder. Then she nudges me and the others are giving me meaningful looks. Nick looks baffled, and turns to talk to Ron Bones. There are way too many kids named after my uncles. And aunts. Creepy.

Anyway, they were urging me to tell Teddy, or at least my parents, or SOMEONE. Silently. Through psychic powers. When we're filing out of the Hall I pull them to one side,

"How do I do this?" I ask,

"Who are you telling first?" asks Kitty, understanding immediately,

"Mum and dad," I blurt. Yes, I'll tell them first.

"Go to Madam McCartney, or Professor Grimes, they could sort you up a meeting with them. You don't want to tell them by letter, do you?" suggests Lauren tentatively.

"No, I suppose it'll have to be old Grimey," I agree, sighing, "Or at least Patil or someone, considering I have no clue where Grimes' office is," They give a sympathetic nod.

I give them a quick group hug and make my way through the quickly emptying corridors. I'm pretty sure there's a lesson I'm supposed to be in, but I've stopped caring. It's not like I'm going to pass my exams anyway, I'm a pregnant 16 year old. My job opportunities are NOT looking great.

Oh crap, I definitely need a job now though. I mean, baby stuff is expensive. And baby needs the best. Which means Hogsmeade trips, which means special allowance from somebody, pretty lucky that I'm seeing old Grimes now, isn't it? I can tick that off my metaphorical to-do list.

Right no, I need an actual to-do list.

_Tell Teddy/Family/Tom/Random Hogwartians that I care little about/Professors about pregnancy. _

_ don't get killed by parents/get Teddy killed by Tom._

_ job._

_But not at HogsHead where creepy bartender perves. And spend money on baby NOT cute clothes. Or books._

_ to baby appointments._

_ don't let Madam McCartney get all up herself about nutrition._

_ 700 calories a day with frequent exercise and pray for morning sickness._

_ keep baby healthy and happy._

_9. Somehow, somewhere, someday become a Healer/Professor of Potions despite the teenage pregnancy thing._

_But focus on being decent parent/sane human being first._

I run this through my mind a few times, should be alright. I reach Professor Patil's (Head of Gryffindor) study and knock on the door. She answers, luckily.

"Miss Weasley," she says, surprised, "How can I help you?"

"I need to see Grim-I mean Professor Grimes," I say, stuttering,

"The Headmaster is a very busy man, Victoire, I'm not sure he has time. What did you need to discuss?"

"I suppose I'll have to tell you," I say, almost cheekily. I'm too tired to be polite.

"Come in, dear," she says kindly, and we sit in two armchairs, this place is so cushiony. And warm, the fire is blazing and I could fall asleep here. Mm. She's looking at me intently, oh balls, she's the one that taught us girls the charm of contraception. Dammit. I hope she's not all, 'disappointed' in me... "Miss Weasley?" she questions, "Are you all right?"

"Oh.." I say, "Yeah, except, I'm _super_ pregnant,"

SUPER-PREGNANT? Seriously? Like I'm some kind of superhero, like I have my own comic. Oh yeah sure, you'll see me fighting crime any day now- with my ginormous belly of STEEL!

"I see..." she says, "And are you..?"

"Keeping it? Yeah. And I've seen Madam McCartney and everything. I just need to Floo my parents..."

She looks a little taken aback,

"I admire your confidence, Victoire," she says, smiling. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine," I lie, like it's all cool. "Been a bit of a rollercoaster few days, but..." my voice cracks. She offers me a tissue, from the floral packet on the coffee table inbetween us. NO. I will not cry!

"So, your parents. Would you rather Floo to your house, or have them over for a little chat with me here?"

I am so not up for this. I feel like sleeping.

"Urrr, just have them here I guess," Yeah, too lazy to move.

"And the father? Do you want me to-"

"NO." I shout. Oops, "I mean, he doesn't know yet and I, er,"

"Don't worry, Miss Weasley." she says, kindly. "Whatever you need to do this, Hogwarts will try and give you. Don't forget that,"

"I need a job," I say quickly, as it pops into my mind, "In Hogsmeade,"

"I'll speak to the Headmaster for you, I know some good people in the village that would employ you,"

I cross it off my mental list.

"Now for your parents," she continues, standing up and taking a pinch of powder, "I won't be a minute, Shell Cottage, is it?" I nod and she steps into the green flames then is gone.

When she returns she has two worried parents in tow. Mum practically jumps on me,

"Are you okay, Victoire?" she says, pulling me up into a worried hug. She's a worrier. Professor Patil conjures two extra chairs and eyes me. Oh, am I supposed to start this? I don't know if I can say words right now.

"So, I have something to tell you-" I begin and cut off. How do I say this? A heavy silence falls, Patil urges me with her stupid brown eyes, all wide and gleaming. Nope, I'm not saying anything. I cannot talk. Nope.

"You're not pregnant are you?" laughs Dad, trying to make light of the situation. Ever the joker. Oh God. I can see him, nothing my silence. It dawns on him, Mum's eyes widen slightly.

"Haha. Er. I guess, you could say that," words stumble out of me. This is NOT going well.

"You're...pregnant?" says Mum, the french tang in her voice becomes more pronounced as she gets shriller. You can only hear it if you know her like I do, but she's shocked as hell.

"What are you going to _do_?" asks Dad, he stops to think, "WHO'S THE FATHER?"

"It's Teddy Lupin, Daddy."

"That Teddy Lupin...I never liked him. Thinking he's so trendy because his hair changes colour,"

"You LOVE Teddy, Dad!" I exclaim.

He's going kind of red. Mum has slipped her arm round his,

"Bill, BILL, it's okay. Our Victoire, she's a smart girl, she's giving it up for adoption. Yes?"

Are they kidding?

"NO. Of course, I'm not!" I yell. And I watch the colour drain out of their faces. Professor Patil looks awkward as hell.

"But-" says Dad,

"No, no buts. I'm keeping it. I love this baby and it's mine. I'm getting a job, I'll quit school, I'm going to do whatever the hell it takes to look after it!"

"Your N.E.W.T.S..." says Mum weakly. She looks like she's going to cry. "Oh Victoire," she sighs and puts her hand on my knee, patting me vaguely.

Dad is still looking at me weirdly, poor guy, he looks like he's going to have a heart attack.

"My little girl.." he says softly,

"I'm STILL your little girl," I say. Jesus, I thought my Dad was _cool._ I mean, he has an earring!

"And you and Teddy are dating? Going steady or whatever you kids call it?"

Ummm, no.

"Yeah!" I say. He looks visibly relieved. Patil jumps in.

"Victoire is welcome to stay here for as long as she can, we at Hogwarts support our students in whatever state. She's a responsible girl, and she's going to be a great mother,"

Did I mention that she's my favourite teacher? Anyway, after some other boring conversation, details were swapped, hugs were exchanged, they Flooed back off home and I was released to lessons, with the warning to stay healthy. What is this stay healthy obsession? I'm not even hungry.

I still have to tell my dumbass siblings so I decide to do it all in one fell swoop. The next morning I attack them in the Great Hall.

"Yo Dom, Lou! Get over here," I call, they look up, disgruntled, but follow me out into the corridor anyway. It's quiet out here.

"What?" says Dominique, once we get out of the Great Hall. She's mad, she hates missing social occasions. As if lunch was London fashion week.

"I have to talk to you," I say, whipping them off to one side,

"This better be important, Vic, I'm talking 'Chico's died' important," says Dominique angrily,

"CHICO'S NOT DEAD IS HE?" cries Louis, impassioned.

Chico is our stupid pet dog who lives back home. He's a mental ginger spaniel who never stops barking. We've had him forever and the other two love him like crazy. I don't get the big attraction, I mean, he smells like seaweed. The gross kind.

"No, Chico's alive, well and chewing the wallpaper," I sigh,

"Come on then, spit it out," says Dom, flicking her hair back in her trademark way.

I'm hungry and scared and confused and nervous and angry all at once. A clear voice cuts through my baffled thoughts, why was it easier to tell M and D?

"Damn it Victoire, tell us or I'm leaving," cries Dominique, angrily.

Fuck. I really have to tell them don't I?

"Vic?" asks Louis.

How to best put this?

"_I'm with child_," I whisper,

"What?" says Louis, craning in to hear me,

"I'M FUCKING PREGGERS!"

Maybe that wasn't the right way. It kind of burst out of me. They sit back, staring at me. Dom flicks her silky ginger hair again, and arranges her long legs under her.

"Oh." she says, Louis looks shocked, he stutters a weird noise.

"So, yeah. I'm keeping it, I'm like 8 weeks pregnant," I say.

"Mum and dad are going to kill you," says Dom,

"They already know." I say, "And Louis. Talk."

'Mmhmmargh," he mumbles, "You're pregnant, cool,"

"Who's the father?" asks Dom, bright eyed for gossip,

"It's Teddy,"

Louis trips over with a clunk. Dom gasps and clutches a hand to her mouth.

"Noooooooo!" she squeals, "Oh my GOD,"

"You okay Lou?" I call down to him, ignoring her.

"Mmm," he replies, Dom is still hyperventilating,

"You CAN'T tell him Dom, or you Louis!" I threaten,

"Will I be related to Teddy now?" asks Louis, getting up like nothing had happened.

'Um, maybe,"

"Are you going to tell mum and dad?" asks Dominique, getting over her gossip-shock moment.

"Maybe at Christmas,"

"You'll be fat by then. And OH MY GOSH, can I have your clothes when you're fat?"

This is why I hate her.

"No. Not at all. You're a bitch Dom,"

"Don't fall out guys!" cries Louis. He sticks an arm round her and pulls us together, "Are you okay Vic?"

Best. Brother. Ever. TOO CUTE!

"Yeah, I am Lou. Thanks babe," Dom hugs me too and looks kind of sorry for calling me fat.

After a weird minute, I can tell Dom wants 'deats'. She raises an eyebrow, I sigh.

"Louis go away," she says. Yup, time for the deats.

He whines a little,

"You have lessons, GO" she screeches. He scuttles away moodily.

"You didn't have to scream at him." I say,

"So you slept with Teddy," she begins, "Cool."

"Dom, please don't do this..."

"What?" she asks innocently,

"Get all weird and awkward! I am not describing ANYTHING to you. I'm pregnant, so you have to be nice to me and do whatever I want,"

"You're so booooring." she moans. "Fine, I can tell Rox, right?"

"NO. You CANNOT tell anyone Dominique Gabrielle Weasley. I will AVADA you!"

She sighs and gives me a hug and a muffled '_good luck and that' _before prancing off and leaving me quite alone.

But that night I can't sleep. It's 11pm, which is late for a loser like me, and I'm watching the common room empty. Everyone else is sleeping in my dorm and I guess I just like being alone, enticed by the fire falling into embers. I like reading and thinking and finishing off all the homework I should have done earlier.

Except then Teddy walks in.

"Vic," he says quietly, and comes to sit next to me, "Are you okay now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I found you passed out in the changing rooms and er carried you to the hospital wing..."

"That was ages ago, wait...THAT WAS YOU?"

"Guess it was," he says, winking and squishing closer to me on the sofa.

"Oh hey, er thanks," I say, "Hey Ted, why aren't you asleep?"

"Homework," he replies, holding up a packet of notes "Why aren't YOU in bed?"

"Uh, same!" I lie, grinning and holding my book up sheepishly, "You and our Tommy made up, yes?"

"Yeah, I was being dumb,"

"Uh, YEAH you were," I say, "Even if you're not the keeper, you're plenty good at other things,"

"Like..?" he says, giving me a tiny wink. That's not sexy. It's like he had a muscle spasm in his eye.

"School and that," I say quickly. I should really tell him now. But I can't be arsed with the telling of all these people. Why can't I just make a bloody newsletter. Or I could let Dominique go wild telling people. Hmm, she'd love that. Maybe after I've told Teddy. Which I will do now.

Now?

_Dammit Victorie just tell him!_

Oops, he'd been talking this whole time.

"Wh-what?" I say.

"I said, I'm coming over for Christmas,"

"Christmas, right. Great. Teddy, the thing is. You know we had, ahem-"

"-Sex," he says, "Yeah. That happened."

"Right, see yeah, um and a possible consequence of that is well, uh, pregnancy. And that kinda happened here."

"You're _pregnant_?"

"Guess so," I say, shrugging through my nervousness. And I'm left in his tracks. Yeah, that's right, Teddy has literally got up and run away. As fast as his little legs will take him. Which is, all in all, a better reaction than I expected.

Now I must talk to Dominique about this rumour spreading business.


	5. Chapter 5

That L word.

_No. No, I'm not having this. Not today._

After all of yesterday's drama, I'm glad to get out for a jog to clear my head. When I arrive downstairs, it's still early but my dear old black owl ,Kez, brings me a letter from mum and dad.

_Dear Victoire,_

_We are so sorry for our reaction yesterday. We love you, sweetie, and our grandchild! We support you whatever you do and were just a bit, surprised. You're being very mature and strong and we've never been so proud. We will see you at Christmas, if not before. If you need ANYTHING, don't hesitate to ask us. Is it okay if we tell the family? I mean, they'll be delighted-they love new additions! How's Teddy? We have been waiting for you two to get together since you were toddlers, I guess this was just a bit, fast, for us! _

_We love you, have a lovely day. Love to Dominique and Louis,_

_Mum and Dad xx_

Dom is up early too, and reads over my shoulder at the empty table, as people begin to drift in. I've just noticed how scary everyone looks in the morning-like zombies.

"So, everyone knows your knocked up now?" asks Dom,

"Not everyone.." I say, eyeing Roxanne as she sits with us, "And you can tell them!"

"I can, I can tell people?" she asks, excitedly. "And you won't Avada me?"

Roxanne looks beyond confused. Dom looks too happy. I guess everyone I care about knows now, the general public may as well.

"Well, I've told Teddy now, so go ahead buddy, spread the rumour!" I say cheerfully. I feel drunk, kinda, it must be the pregnancy hormones. Awesome.

Kez has gone off back to the owlery without waiting for me, the beast. I've scrawled a reply to my parents and I take myself up to the owlery. I meander out and bump into Tom on the way out,

"Where you off babe?" he asks,

"Owlery, letter n ting," I say, smiling and walking on past him.

When did climbing stairs get so tiring? I post my letter breathlessly, and stand for a minute, remembering how horrible and emotionally draining yesterday did I think it was a good idea to blurt my news to six people in ONE day! I suppose it's over now, but I hardly got the reactions I hoped for.

I mean, Teddy, he just ran away. He fucking ran away. WHO DOES THAT? Seriously, who runs away? Somehow, my earlier euphoria is clouded by sadness. My baby's father hates it, and he hates me. And I, I don't know how I feel about him, it's all so confusing. But he got out as fast as he could. Teddy just ran.

Like he could just, just make it go away. Like running away would make me feel good, solve this mess he thinks he's in. He's such a dick, I can't believe I ever slept with that mess. I hate this, I hate that he hates me baby. My baby, the only thing I've ever been sure that I love. And he's so scared of it, he ran away.

I make it out of the owlery but somehow end up curled up in the corridor, lessons haven't started and the floor seems so comforting. I know no one can see me, so then, for the first time since I found out, I cry. I let myself cry. Tears escape my eyes and I dissolve into the hard floor, makeup dribbling down my face, I push my hair back and it frizzes out. Look at you, I think, you fat, ugly blubbering mess.

This is not the best time for Tom to appear.

"THERE YOU ARE," he says, rushing up to me from the other end of the corridor. "How the FUCK could you not tell me?"

"Wh-what?" I say, sitting up against the wall and wiping my eyes, I'm bleary and tears fall anyway.

"That you're PREGNANT with my BEST FRIEND'S baby," he screams, spit flying from his mouth. I can't take his words in, I want to curl up in a ball and rock myself to sleep.

"Say something," he says, I say nothing, "You're a bitch sometimes, Vic,"

That hits me. No. No, I'm not having this. Not today.

"WHAT? Are you freaking kidding?" I yell, drawing myself up. "Thomas John Cowell, you, you are meant to be my BEST friend. My best friend in the whole wide world and I'm pregnant, and I'm scared and I'm CRYING and you shout at me. You shout at me! What the FUCK is wrong with you?"

"You're not my best friend. Teddy is my best friend, and you, you fucking, fuck fuck fucked him! Behind my back!" he screeches, pointing at me,

"Like this is all about YOU. Like I don't have a BABY inside of me that's more important than this shit!" I scream, red faced and hair flying. Tom looks anxious, he ruffles his beigey hair,

"How could you do that? How could you let me hear it from some bloody thrid year girl? From your stupid cousin. How could you not tell me, after everything?"

"MY COUSINS ARE NOT STUPID! And why in Jesus, Mary and the Holy Saint fucking Joseph's name does it matter?" I yell,

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU,"

Oh.

There's a silence. Oh God. Oh no no no no no. Maybe, I misunderstand...

"Like a sister, right?" I say, hoping desperately.

"Like, like, I've always loved you. Like, since I first met you. And now, and now you're pregnant with HIS baby and he KNEW I loved you and he, he did it anyway!"

Now I know what it feels like to want to run away. Tears fall down my face again, leaving crusty tracks of eyeliner, I'm so angry and confused and MAD and argh. Fuck. I say that too much, but honestly, just, just FUCK.

How long has it been since I talked? Oh dear, oh deary dear, he's waiting for an answer. I have none.

"I, I, I can't. Tom, I just think of you as a friend. I mean, it would ruin us!" I say, spouting cliches. He looks so crestfallen. Oh dear God. Our friendship is officially over. He looks at me like a hurt puppy,

"Okay," he says quietly, he hugs me blankly and walks away slowly.

Seriously? Did that just happen? I'm still on the corridor floor, still crying, with tears bubbling over my eyes and dropping heavily to the ground. Except it's busier now, and I see people are coming to go to lessons. I drag myself over through the owlery door again and lean heavily on the open window. The grounds are beautiful, even if the October weather isn't. The sky is heavy with rain, leaden and glooming but the lake still shines and the Giant Squid lifts a tentacle, kids bustle over to the forest for lessons and I see first years learning to play Quidditch below. I'm calmed, even if I'm still crying. I can't seem to stop.

I'm just so angry, the two boys that I need the most have left me. Tom will never be my friend again, and Teddy? He ran away from me and my baby, and if he doesn't want us then fine. I can do this alone. I feel suddenly nauseated, and gag involuntarily. Shit.

I feel my stomach twisting and leg it to the bathroom. I throw up, it wouldn't be so gross, but I literally just threw up water. There's not much in me to throw up I guess. If it weren't for my baby, I'd be totally empty inside.

I realise where I am, the second floor toilets. Great, I wait for Myrtle to appear. But she doesn't. Not even Myrtle wants to hang out with a loser like me. I walk dejectedly back to the common room and realise I've ended up skipping lessons again. My teachers will not be happy. I guess I could go in late, but it's charms, and if Dom's done her work correctly then they all know. And they'll all judge me. And think I'm a slag.

I can't deal with this. None of it, I need someone, something, but all my stupid friends are in stupid lessons. My stupid baby daddy is has probably run to fricking China by now and my stupid best boy is loving me in a corner somewhere.

I peel myself from my bed to appear at break, after which I have Herbology, which I should certainly go to. I find my girls huddled at the back of the castle, perched on a ledge and out of the wind. Before they even greet me I blurt everything out, Teddy, Tom, everything. Kitty holds my hand while I tell the story, Lauren wipes make up from my tired face and Emma threatens to kill all of them.

"Because I swear I will," she says, brandishing her wand.

"No, no, it's fine," I say, not crying. I feel kind of cheery actually. And hungry. Mmm I could really go for a Pumpkin Pasty. But no, no I won't. Shut up brain.

"I can't believe he told you!" exclaims Kitty, "I mean, he's fancied you for _ever_,"

What.

"And you didn't think to tell me?" I say loudly,

"Hey, I thought you knew!" she says, shrinking back,

"Everyone knew!" Emma says pointedly. I sigh. I am _sick_ of this.

"It's Halloween tomorrow," announces Lauren, as if waking up from a dream. She's good changing the subject. "And your little cousin Rox was telling me at breakfast, about some room her dad used to use in the war, with your uncles, for secret meetings and that. Anyway, I'm planning an after-feast party there, I mean, it's bloody perfect. It gives you whatever you want, basically!"

"Where is it?" I ask dubiously, this room sounds weird,

"Third floor corridor, it gives you whatever you ask for, except like food. I'll find it at lunch and we can sort it all out, yeah?"

"Sounds good," says Emma, "I'll go down to the kitchens for food and drink, the Elves love me,"

"I'm going to the library," announces Kit, leaving abruptly,

"What's her problem?" huffs Lauren,

"You know she hates breaking rules, it makes her awkward. The cute little geek," I say, grinning, "Anyway, who are you inviting?"

"Um, most people in our year and our cool older buddies. Deffo no kids though," she says, cheekily. "Get some Firewhiskey, Em?"

"But, there's school the next day!" she exclaims,

"Live a little!" Lauren winks. "You only live once! YOLO,"

Emma cringes at her,

"None for me, bad for little Rainbow Xavier," I say,

"Rainbow-"

"-Xavier?" they ask in unison.

"Rexy for short," I laugh at their faces. "Anyway, right yeah, if we're having a party I'm setting Nick up with Kitty. And you two are going to help. They are bloody perfect,"

"OH. They ARE perfect!" squeals Lauren, "My baby brother and my bezzer! I'm SO getting them together!"

"He's like 5 minutes younger than you," adds Emma, "But, sick idea bro. They are pretty cute,"

"SO cute!" I exclaim, glad to have taken my mind off baby drama. We rarely have parties and this is kinda what I needed to cheer me up.

The first years are migrating back to the castle, break's over.

"I've got Care of now," groans Emma, "I don't even LIKE animals,"

"Gutted. I've got Muggle Studies with Prof. Geller now, loving life!" adds Lauren. "And, I only just understood how hilariously ironic his name was. He's like Ross. From Friends!"

She's ridiculous, we don't have a friend called Ross. I shake my head at her absurdness and she rolls her eyes at me. I don't get irony.

Lauren's a real geek for muggles, she's always chatting about iRods and how awesome they are. She says they play music in your ear so no one else can hear it, it's amazing how muggles have adapted to live without magic. It's literally the only lesson she cares about, she's worse than my Grandad!

"Geller might be a tool but he's perfected my MP3 charm, check it out!" she puts her wand to a little pot of weird truculent liquid and it comes away with a strand of light blue liquid-y fluff stuck to it. She leans forward and tries to poke it in my ear,

"Oooh Lo don't be weird," I say, but she sticks it in anyway. Holy Jesus. My favourite song is playing in my ear. I look around wildly, as the lyrics to 'Transfigure My Love' by the Quasar Centaurs blast at me. She's done the same to Emma, who is bopping along happily,

"CAN YOU HEAR IT, VIC?" she screams, scattering the remaining children for miles.

"YEAH IT'S MINT!" I shout,

"You don't have to shout," says Lauren, laughing,

"WHAT?" we yell at her, and I see her move her mouth again. Whatever, I'm too busy singing to care about what she's saying.

"_Transfigure my love, it was only for you,_

_Transfigure my love, 'cause it seemed too good to be true," _

"_TRANSFIGURE ME BABY, you make me crazy," _continues Emma, the music still blasts in my ears. This is so awesome! Then it cuts out and my ears are ringing crazily.

"Right, I'm going now," says Lauren, having collected her music back from our ears.

"Wait, how does that work?" I ask,

"Oh, I don't know. It was just my idea, Geller's been working on it for ages,"

"I'd love to know..." I say dreamily,

"I'd love to have one for myself," adds Emma, amazed.

"Yeah, I know what to make for your birthday then." she says winking, "Anyway, Muggle Studies calls! Bye guys!" and with that she prances off. Emma waves and leaves too, to tend to her hated animals.

I'm making my way to Herbology when I see bloody Jane, unfortunately we have it together, unfortunately she hasn't fallen down a mine shaft yet.

She sneaks up behind me a sticks a skinny leg out,

"What the hell?" I say, stumbling, she laughs. The catty bitch.

"Alright preggers?" she says, flipping her absurdly shiny brown hair. I have no comeback for this, so I storm ahead of her. She continues to taunt me, "I mean, how much of a SLAG do you have to be?"

"I swear to God, Cole."

"What, Weasley?" she retaliates, pulling my bluff. "Gonna sit on me?"

She's got me there, I am going to be massive. And she is tiny.

"Maybe, I might wait until I'm slightly more pregnant, and will crush you,"

It hurts, making fat jokes about myself. Because I'm not going to get any thinner from here, and she knows it.

"Don't bother waiting," she says, looking me up and down, "You'd crush me any day,"

And I don't let her see the tears that escape from my puffy eyes, because I've cried too much today. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her. And I know I'm fat, I know it to my very core and I hate myself, I just hate me. When she walks away, into the greenhouse, all I see is thighs that don't shake and a tiny little waist in her fitted robes. All I see is her perfection and her meanness against me. And I wish I was her.


	6. Chapter 6

Partying, Partying, YEAH. 

_God, he's an idiot. And I'm carrying his spawn, awesome._

Forgive me for being a loser, but I am getting excited for this party tonight. I have new dress robes, I swear I'm getting thinner and I have the best friends in the whole wide world. Lauren's got her weird muggle music copier to play music out loud, she says radios are outdated... The special 'Room' is sound proofed and decorated in orange and black. Yeah, yeah, judge me, I'm overexcited, but we NEVER have parties! I might be unable to drink, dreading the party food, loved by my best friend and feared by the father of my unborn child but I am ready to 'put my hands in the air like I just don't care'!

Actually, on a second thought, I'm fucking dreading this.

It's Halloween, we've just had the feast (which was so exciting, I managed to vanish half my plate amongst the hustle and bustle) and we're waiting for lights out in the common room. The little kids have all gone to bed, the first years in awe at the pranks we've played on them. And when I say we, I mean Lauren and Emma, not me. I don't play pranks. I'm a mature, grown up woman. I tell them this.

"Yeah, but did you see that kid's face when I told him that the Chamber of Secrets reopens every Halloween?" snorts Lauren, "He looked like he was going to wee himself!"

"Especially when Fred jumped out in his snake costume," adds Emma, laughing at the memory.

Yeah they teamed up with the trio of doom. Fred, Louis and James disregarded the usual 'no costumes' norm and came as scary animals. Except James, who was a unicorn. Obviously.

We sneak down to the room in batches, four by four. And, luckily, old Filchy (he is SO old. He must be like, a million by now. He was around in MY DAD'S time) doesn't catch us. He'd probably wee himself, more than that the scared first year, if he saw us. Drunk sixth years are a sight worse than even freaky snake costumes.

And they'll certainly be drunk, Emma has procured all the necessary booze from the Elves, she's also got bucket loads of food. I think I'll stick to water. But, I didn't each much at lunch, barely anything at dinner, and I'm starving-ly, excruciatingly hungry. And tired. Maybe I'll have a little snack, for the baby.

The room is quite empty, it's kitted out with a long table of refreshments, pushed to the side, leaving a space for dancing. There are also big comfy sofas dotted about for chilling. It's a big room but at the moment it's really just me and the girls, who are bustling about. Lauren is fiddling with her music thing, Emma is putting touches of lipstick on, she looks super stunning in short black casual dress robes, cloaked in lace. Her lips are red and she's done her eyes all big and dark, I'm in champagne coloured robes, in silky material that brushes my knees, I think I look okay, you can't see my body very well, which is always a plus. Lauren's done my hair in a weird braidy thing, she's looking great as always, in low cut, long lavender robes.

People are beginning to arrive, Kitty clings to me. She's a socially awkward little butterfly, and she thinks she looks fat. As if she could ever look fat, but we forced her into some really tight blue robes and I know for certain that she's worrying about Nick. She hasn't told us she fancies him, but she must do!

Teddy just entered, and he's noticed me. Oh crap. He's walking over, ohgodohgod.

"Hey." he begins, looking about as awkward as I feel,

"I need some food!" squeaks Kitty, rushing off as tactfully as she knows how. I will_ kill_ her.

"Victoire, can we talk?" asks Teddy, gesturing a door that's popped up out of nowhere.

I walk towards it, without talking to him. I'm still mad. He pushes the door open for me, and there are a couple of armchairs in a tiny room that's also orange and black. I take a seat and refuse to look at him.

"I'm sorry, okay?" he begins defensively, looking up at me with those _eyes_, "I just, I was just scared, I didn't know what to do! I'm just a little kid!"

"You're 17. And a father. You have to grow up," I say bluntly. His lip quavers a little bit.

"Are we, are you keeping it?" he asks quietly,

"Yes. Yes I am, and if you want to be involved you can be, but I could do this on my own, Teddy. You obviously don't care about it," I know I'm being mean, but he deserves it. HE RAN AWAY!

"Fuck off! I'm this kids father and I'm being involved no matter what! Jesus Christ, Victoire, I was just surprised. I, I want this baby,"

I don't know what to say to this. He looks so passionate. He looks like he really wants our baby, and thank God, because I didn't want to have to do it alone.

"O-kay," I begin, deciding to fill him in on details, "I'm about 9 weeks or so along and I have a scan in a couple of days. I've told just about everyone I need to tell and I'm getting a job soon too. So, yeah,"

"I'll be at your scan, and I'll get a job," he says, almost heroically, "And look, have you spoken to Tom? Because he came into our dorm yesterday screaming and shouting and now he won't talk to me."

"Why do you think that is? I forgot to tell him I was pregnant, he had to hear it from Roxy or someone and he's in freaking love with me apparently! Good job, by the way, knocking up your best friend's crush,"

"Aw crap. He STILL 'loves' you? Bollocks, he's had this stupid thing for you since forever,"

"How does everyone know this except me?"

Teddy shrugs. God, he's an idiot, and I'm carrying his spawn._ Awesome. _

Spawn is a gross word, ew.

"Do you love him too?" he asks,

"I don't love anyone!" I say. "I'm freaking 16,"

Stupid Tom. Stupid Teddy. I'm not angry, or scared of Teddy any more. So what do I feel for him? I look at him, he's smiling goofily and looking at my stomach as if there was a bump there already. And in a second, I look at him, and I realise how irreversibly linked we are now. How we can never go back from this point, never pretend we don't know each other. How he's cute, and he's funny, and everyone always expected us to get together. How our families are best friends, how we used to be best friends, back when my mum thought I'd end up marrying him.

I close my eyes a little. I need to wake up a little bit, and I need to feel less crazy. I feel so light, like a messed up feather. And I think I'm owed that little bit of food I promised myself earlier.

"I'm going back," I say, standing up and letting my head spin, he nods and gets up too. Back outside, everyone is already dancing and the music is blasting. There seem to be a lot more empty bottles, Tom is brooding in a corner swigging Firewhiskey. I whisper in Teddy's ear,

"Go. Make him like you again, we can't do this without him,"

"He'll never like me again," he says simply. But he goes over anyway.

The food table is packed, with cheesecake and crisps and cauldron cakes and hell loads of other crap. There's nothing safe, so I grab _one_ cauldron cake.

Then another, then another. And I move on to the crisps, and I'm ramming them in to my mouth. Fistful after fistful of glorious, glorious food. So much to eat, and I've lost all my boundaries. Because I haven't eaten properly in days and I just can't be strong, no I'm weak. And I take another slice of pizza, dripping in melted cheese. There's food around my mouth. I am disgusting.

"You must be hungry," says Lauren cheerily, walking over and grabbing another bottle of mead.

But I'm not, not any more. I'm full to the brim, heavy, fat. I've eaten so much, how many calories is that? Five hundred, a thousand? I can't stress, no I must chill.

I plop down into a sofa, next to some drunk girls I know from Transfiguration. We chat idly as I worry in my head. They aren't making much sense anyway. Kitty plonks down too, with a loud,

"VIC!" like she's never met me before. I shouldn't have trusted her with Firewhiskey. Nope, Kit and booze do NOT mix well. Lauren might get slutty, Emma gets a little teary, but Kitty, well she gets annoying.

"Hello Kitty," I say, in a strained voice.

"You know Nick...?" she begins, staring dreamily at him. He's dancing with some Hufflepuff chick-Anna Webb maybe?

"Yes, I've heard of him," I say, Kitty slides on to my lap, all her weight on me.

"He's so cute isn't he?"

"Yes, he's brill. And look, he's lost his dance partner," I say, shoving her off me. I seem harsh, but this is all for the best. If I don't pair her off with him now, she'll end up laughing at a Dorito or something. She's weird.

He walks over and pulls her up and they shimmy off into the crowd of people. Somehow lights are pulsing and people's skin seems glittery in the mass of writhing limbs. Several people have coupled off already, including Harry and Lauren. Em is dancing with Harry's friend, Sam, who's in Ravenclaw. Everyone is so smiley, and I feel so down, suddenly. I can't forget the food I ate, but I can't bring myself to throw up. I just feel so God damn guilty on my little baby. On that little cluster of cells that bloody depends on me.

I want to go to bed. Lucky me, on the first night out in ages, stuck with a baby and a crippling sadness. Ah, so much drama. And I think I might, well, let's be honest here, I think I might fancy Teddy. A little bit. A lotta bit.

I scan the room for him, Tom's dancing with Annie, some girl I vaguely know from charms, and my heart aches for how much I miss him. He's been gone for less than a day but I just miss him so much it physically cripples me. If he was dancing with me, cheering me up, cracking one of our inside jokes, God I'd feel ten times better. I'd want to be here, and not be alone in the corner, with a bowl of crisps too near my hand. He'd be whispering a joke in my ear and maybe Teddy'd be on my other side. And maybe, just maybe, everything would feel okay.

Salty tears leave tracks in my carefully applied face for the millionth time in two days. Who knew teenage pregnancy was so fucking stressful? I dip my hand into the salty bowl of heaven over and over, crunching in the most ugly way possible.

I search the crowds again, I still haven't found Teddy. I wish he was here. Only he knows how I feel, the girls are all paired off and drunk off their faces and happy as hell. I can see them, under the lights, and all the other dicks we know. I see his face, catch his eye. My heart jolts crazily, thumps and flips. He's coming over. He sits next to me.

"Heyo Vic!" he slurs. Oh oh, he's drunk. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Hi Teddy," I sigh. I should have seen this coming, no one sober at a teenage party but me.

"Having fun?" he asks, leaning into me,

"Yeah, yeah, great." I say sharply, sick of this. "Look, Ted, I think I'm just gonna go."

"Whyyyy? Noo, stay with mee!" he says, clinging on to my arm. I can't help but blush, oh gosh, I can't resist him.

"But, Ted, I just, c'mon I'm pregnant. I do not belong here!"

"Have a drink!" he says, bursting into laughter. There are tears in his eyes, it wasn't that funny.

"Yeah, I'll go now," I say, standing up and sticking my head out of the door to check for Filch. All clear.

"Let me walk you!" he says, "It's dangerous!"

He pats my stomach, winking. I can see people in the party watching and judging me.

"Fine." I say, and drag him out. I suppose it's good practice for having a baby.

A drunk, stupidly handsome baby.

He walks me to the common room without a mishap from Peeves and insists on coming up to my dorm with me. I'm not complaining, he's wonderfully cute when he's pissed. I draw the line at getting changed in front of him though, accio'ing my adorable cow onsie and slipping into the bathroom.

I have a moment to get my shit together and brush my teeth. I stare in the mirror and wipe my eyeliner from where it's run. _You're okay_ I think, _you're going to be okay. _I get back to my dorm and into bed, and Teddy's STILL here.

"Ted, I'm safe now." I say, he's sat on my feet. He looks kind of zonked, and is shuffling into a lying position. "This is a single bed," I point out, as he snuggles in next to me. Drunk people are so clingy. But I love that, he's breaking my heart with kindness, it's like we used to be when we were little. And we start playing that age old game of, 'remember when'

"Remember when we built that pillow den? Out of blankets and shit?" he says, laughing.

"Uh huh, except you wouldn't let me in. You said it was 'boys only' and dragged baby James in there, even though he could barely walk," I reply, remembering how funny Teddy used to be, even if he did make me furious, by excluding me.

I try not to remember, that years ago, when I was about 10, Teddy Lupin was my first ever kiss. But I know he's remembering too. It was the summer, he was leaving for Hogwarts in September. He, as always, would act all grown up, tease me and laugh at me. Pretend he knew better than I did, how it felt to kiss someone. It was just a cute, childish peck, a game of dares and an obvious outcome. But it was more to me, it was growing up, and it was the start of my crush on him, the start of something different, mature. And it stung all the more when he ignored me that Christmas, and the Christmas after that. Something changed, and I have no idea what, but we weren't best friends, TeddyandVictoire anymore.

I look up and realise his face is inches from mine, and his eyes are remembering too. Yes, we're both clouded in nostalgia of the summers when we were children, when we were simpler people. I can feel his eyes on mine, our faces are so close, as we're tangled up together in my tiny bed. When he breathes I can taste it, sweet and soft and endearing. A murmur of a smile crosses his lips, and he gives me the quietest, most gentle kiss, his lips like the bud of a rose. Smooth, irresistible.

Before I know it, I've deepened the kiss and we're making out like the dumb teenagers we are. I couldn't forget how good a kisser he was, and he doesn't disappoint. I can't believe this is happening again, everything feels kind of tingly. I know my feelings for him in a second, I fancy the pants off him and I never want this to end.

But it does, and he draws back, that glimmer of a smile on his face again. He sleepily throws an arm around me, pulling me against him, so we're curled up against like two cashew nuts. He blinks his heavy eyes again, and I watch his eyelids slowly droop as he drifts into sleep. He must be really quite drunk. He looks like the little child I used to know, as he tumbles into the naivety of sleep. I wiggle round so we're spooning and close my own eyes. Food is forgotten as I sleep lightly, next to the father of my child.


End file.
